


Praxis

by ambiguously



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Kid Fic, Minor Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla, Trick or Treat: Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:27:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26933599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambiguously/pseuds/ambiguously
Summary: Jacen needs a caretaker. Kallus has done this before.
Relationships: Alexsandr Kallus & Jacen Syndulla, Alexsandr Kallus/Hera Syndulla
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33
Collections: Trick or Treat Exchange 2020





	Praxis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lucymonster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucymonster/gifts).



The baby was crying again.

Kallus kept his head down, hoping the noise would stop and he could get back to sleep. The wails continued, echoing through the closed cabin doors. On the bottom bunk, Zeb snored on, oblivious to the sound. He was a heavy sleeper, which Kallus supposed had been a useful trait for someone who'd shared a room with an adolescent human boy for four years.

Resting in that same adolescent's unused bunk, Kallus turned over, unable to rest. At last, he sat, dangled his legs over the edge, and dropped down lightly to the deck. Zeb stayed asleep. Kallus envied him. With a yawn, he stepped out of the cabin into the dimly-lit corridor.

Hera had already taken Jacen into the common area, where he continued to cry even as she walked back and forth with him, speaking to him in a low, soothing voice. She glanced up as Kallus entered. "Sorry," she said with a tired sigh.

"It's fine." At this pronouncement, Jacen wailed even louder. Kallus winced.

Hera bounced him in her arms. "Sh," she said, over and over. Now that Kallus was fully awake, he could see how exhausted she was. She'd been putting in full days and then some with the flight teams, while splitting as much of her time as she could to take care of her newborn. She might have a little more breathing room when he started on solids in another few months, but for now, she had multiple full-time jobs, including one that kept her up half the night. She might have flown the mission to Scarif while labor had started, and helped organize the evacuation of Yavin 4 from her recovery suite in Medical, but even Hera had to admit there were only so many tasks she could do at once without killing herself in the process.

"I'm getting some caf," said Kallus. "Would you like some?"

"No, thank you. I'm hoping to sleep a little more tonight."

Kallus went to the tiny galley and started a small pot. "I wish I knew how Zeb manages to sleep through the night."

"If he tells you the trick, share." Jacen's cries turned to whimpers for a few blessed moments before he belted out another wail. "I wish I knew why he keeps crying. He's not hungry. He's not wet. Babies aren't supposed to cry unless they're distressed."

"Human babies cry a lot. They're famous for it."

"He's not a human," she reminded him in a flat tone he suspected she used quite often.

Normally, Kallus would take the hint and back off, but he was tired himself and a bit surly. "He's part human. This part cries." She gave him a glare that was more sleep-deprivation than anger, and he did back down this time. "The doctors can't find anything?"

"All the scans say he's perfectly healthy, thank the Force." She meant it, too. Kallus had still been peripheral to their team during her pregnancy, but Zeb had confided their worries to him. Multispecies pregnancies were tricky, and the children were often born with severe issues, some life-threatening. Jacen was thriving.

The caf machine let out a low hum indicating the pot was ready. Kallus poured himself a small mug and swallowed half without tasting it. He'd like to say the Rebellion's caf tasted like freedom or something equally as absurd, but only difference between the swill in the Imperial mess and this flat, gritty liquid was that he was less worried anyone aboard the _Ghost_ would try to poison him. He carried his doubts about some of the other Rebels. Many of their allies had defected from the Empire just as he'd done, but they'd all made enemies along their way here. Lives had been ruined or lost, and blood couldn't be unspilt.

Over the rim of his mug, and it was odd to consider he had a mug he used enough to consider his own aboard this ship, he observed Hera walking back and forth with her son. How many times had he tried to capture or kill these people? Had he succeeded, he wouldn't be standing here tonight, listening to this child's cries. Even his partial successes had sprouted bitter fruit after his defection. He knew how much intelligence he'd gathered on Hera's little cell of Rebels, and he knew it had been turned against them. In another, better life, the baby's father would be here walking him through the corridors and soothing him during the long nights while Hera got some rest. Kallus knew he'd played his own regrettable part in why that could never be.

"Did I ever tell you," he said, finishing his caf with another untasted gulp, "I used to help take care of my younger cousins when I was a boy. We had a large family, and everyone needed to help with the little ones. I got quite good at it." He recalled his grandparents' large house that he'd grown up in, with cousins and aunts and uncles all together under one roof, and always a meal that needed to be cooked, or a baby that needed rocking.

"No," she said around a yawn. "You never said. You've got a large family?"

"Had," he said, memories clouding his vision for half a moment. "Before the Separatists came."

She didn't ask. She merely nodded. She'd also been a child during that same war. "He's calming down. You should try to get some sleep."

It was a kind gesture, he thought, but Hera was full of kindness. Some of the others they'd known, Imperial and Rebel alike, had mistaken that kindness for weakness. He'd done so, once, but he'd been mistaken about a great many things back then.

"Actually, I'm wide awake. I could take him for a while if you wanted to get some sleep."

Her body tensed for a moment, pulling Jacen closer to her. Then she relaxed. "Are you sure?"

"I was good at rocking babies when I was ten. I think I remember the basics."

Gingerly, Hera handed him over, and just as carefully, Kallus placed Jacen against his shoulder, braced for the indignant cry that bleated directly into his ear. "He's got good lungs, anyway."

"Yes, he does." She waited. "Are you sure?"

"You asked me that already." Kallus began bouncing his arms, setting up a nice rocking motion, careful not to jiggle the baby's head too much. A loud and somewhat wet burp came out, thankfully with no associated mess. "I remember that, too. Go rest. You've got that training session at 0700. I can put him down in his room when he's asleep."

"Thank you," she said, and moved off to her cabin.

With the gas gone, Jacen settled more, still fussy but no longer wailing. Kallus walked back and forth, remembering these same kinds of nights from long ago, another infant in his arms, sometimes moving between two that woke each other. Babies weren't so different, not even Twi'lek babies.

He couldn't remember the words to the lullabies he used to sing. Instead, he said the same thing he always had as he'd spent the hours walking back and forth with a family member long ago: "Everything's going to be fine. Nothing to fuss about. I'm here. I've got you."

* * *

It would be an understatement to say the reports weren't good. Not only had they lost dozens of ships over the past week, but the intelligence reports from their spy networks suggested the Rebellion was receiving Vader's personal attention these days. It was one thing to know the Emperor hated your group in the abstract, and another to realize his personal vicious killer was discovering even your best-hidden allies and torturing them for information specific to your whereabouts. That young pilot Skywalker's name had come up more than once. Kallus was not the only one who'd suggested that Vader was taking the boy's success at Yavin 4 as a personal vendetta.

With a sigh, he moved another stack of flimsi to the opposite end of the plank he was using as his desk at this base. A long babble took his attention. Kallus felt a smile warm his face as he turned.

"Do you want me to wind it up again?"

Jacen flailed his arms. Kallus tensed for a moment, stepping back to his desk and placing a firm hand over the files. Nothing flew into the air this time. Jacen made more noises, unintelligible and only vaguely guessable. Kallus couldn't wait for Ezra to get home, even though it would mean losing his bunk. Someone had to teach this child how to use his powers.

Kallus knelt by the rocking swing Chopper had rigged up and carefully rewound the spring. "There." The swing began its soothing motion once more. Jacen squealed and babbled again, shoving his fist into his mouth.

"Oh, you're hungry again?" He stilled the rocker, and reached into the small pack he kept under the desk. With a flip of the switch on the side of the container, he heated the mashed food, a vitamin-rich mixture of protein and carbohydrates in a violent orange shade. Jacen had taken to solid food eagerly and messily.

"Hold still," Kallus said, trying to get the spoon into his mouth instead of on his eyebrows. Jacen babbled around the food, making an orange mess all over his face. Kallus scolded him: "The vitamins are not for skin care, young man."

His job meant spending most of his time at a makeshift desk or in meetings going over the information he'd uncovered. His days lent themselves better to infant care than strapping him into a fighter cockpit built for one pilot could. Hera took Jacen with her on A-Wing training flights, but most of her duties these days included training on X-Wings. It was easier for Kallus to watch the baby, and Zeb as well once he came off his own shift.

There was a knock at the frame of what would have been his door if they could afford doors. "Hi," Hera said, letting herself in. "He's already having lunch?"

"He informed me he was starving." Jacen grinned hugely under the splatter on his face as he saw his mother, food forgotten as he raised his arms. Kallus handed her the container without a word and went back to his desk. Hera finished up the solid food, then wiped Jacen down before settling him into her arms for the remainder of his meal.

On days like this, Kallus tried to remember the man he used to be, and how he would have reacted. One of the Rebels he'd pursued so hard and at such cost relaxed in the spare chair he kept for her in what passed for his own semi-private office in a Rebel base, nursing her baby without so much as a single worried glance in his direction.

Badly, Kallus thought. The man he'd been would have considered the whole affair unbelievable, would have suggested taking Jacen hostage, would have already tried to shoot Hera. The old him had been a fool, and worse.

He picked up another file.

Hera said, "I wanted to speak with you." Formal tone, he thought. Business. He closed the file unread.

"All right."

"I've been offered a temporary posting. One of the training sites is due for a new Rotation General, and I've been asked to take the position for the next month."

Kallus looked at his pile of work. He'd need a good communications array to stay in contact with the intelligence teams, and his supervisors wouldn't like having him away. They trusted him, he was sure, but even though many of them had been Imperial defectors themselves, those who had come to the Alliance from the other side carried that small level of distrust with them. "I'm sure I could...."

"I would be the only one going," she said, quietly but firmly. "I'm not taking the _Ghost_." She turned her head looking at the baby, who watched her with wide, happy eyes.

"I see."

"It's no place for him. I'd be in the air more than not, and without the _Ghost_ I don't even have a place for him to sleep." She looked up at Kallus. "I haven't given them my decision yet."

"You think they need you."

"I do. But so does he." She stroked the fine green hair on Jacen's head. "It always comes down to the same thing. It always will. He needs me, but he also needs a galaxy where it will be safe for him to grow up. Children with the Force will be in danger as long as the Empire is out there."

There was no point in disagreeing. He'd seen the orders and briefings himself regarding what to do upon any encounter with someone possessing Force abilities. The Empire had every reason to assume Jacen would inherit his father's powers. The only way for him to be truly safe was for the Empire to end and its ashes swept away into the winds of history. Hera would and could do no less to protect him.

"Zeb and I will watch him," Kallus said, forestalling her need to ask. "I'm sure Rex will agree to help."

Gratitude filled her face, along with a sorrow he could only imagine. "Thank you."

* * *

Hera's rotation was cut short abruptly by a kidnapping Kallus only heard about after she'd been returned unharmed. He resolutely did not tease her about the pink bow in the ransom holo. He did sit and listen in, amused, as Hera told Jacen his bedtime story in her most pleasant singsong voice of all the things she intended to do to that archaeologist if she ever met the woman again with her hands unbound.

* * *

Another evacuation from another base, this one while Hera was on a different assignment. The _Geist_ was crewed by Twi'leks, and while Hera had not stated in so many words how most Twi'leks viewed half-humans, he understood their attitude was why Jacen could never live on Ryloth with his grandfather. 

Rex piloted the _Ghost_ through the rain of TIEs bearing down on their fleet, and Kallus tried not to think about how close the emerald shots were coming as he fired the nose gun. Jacen was safe in the nursery, as safe as he could be with their ship being fired upon. Kallus stopped himself from yelling to Zeb to fetch the baby and flee with him in the _Phantom II_. The smaller ship had a better chance of escaping undetected, but the shields would never last more than a single hit.

Green fire cascaded over the ship.

"Last ship's through," Rex said over the comm. "Punching it!" He dodged two more TIEs and found them a hole. They burst into hyperspace. Kallus let out a shuddering breath.

"We still alive?" Zeb called from the dorsal.

"So far," Rex replied.

"Good for us," said Kallus, and he went to check on Jacen. Twenty minutes later, the _Geist_ made contact, Hera's voice steely calm on the comm as she asked how they'd fared. He'd learned to listen for the stress fractures. "We're all fine," he assured her, and tickled Jacen until he laughed so she could hear.

* * *

This planet lurked in eternal twilight under the heavy cloud cover. Pilots who would happily spend months in space grumbled at one another after a few weeks without sunlight. Kallus didn't miss the sun, nor the sight of the planet's three moons, but he found that he longed for a night under stars despite having spent so much time between them.

"Did you see the report?" Hera asked, coming aboard the _Ghost_ at the end of another meeting.

"Unfortunately." Imperial forces had been seen in the sector. It was only a matter of time before this base was discovered. "Do we have the next base identified?"

"It's down to two candidates."

He nodded and didn't reply. They'd split the fleet. If they could justify the fuel expense, a third would stay in space, with the rest of the personnel divided between bases until they could regroup.

"I've been asked to take command of Site Besh."

She wouldn't tell him where that was. He didn't have the proper clearance. "And we'll be stationed with?"

"With me or I'm not going to accept the post." She bent down and picked up Jacen. "Hi, buddy. I missed you all day."

Jacen babbled at her. He'd taken his first steps a week ago, while she'd been stuck in a twelve-hour meeting. Hera kissed his cheek, making him laugh and babble more.

"Dinner is still warm," Kallus said. "Rex cooked."

Hera froze, then smiled fondly. Rex's approach to cuisine was straightforward and belligerent: look at the food, throw it on the heat, cook until it was done through. Rex and all his brothers had been raised on plain, sturdy rations, and he still regarded food with complex flavors with deep suspicion. Hera would tip the sweet-hot sauce they'd found two planets ago on her own portion, which was why Kallus had left her some after seasoning his own.

He followed her into the galley, and took Jacen from her as she sat to eat. Toys were strewn about the lounge. Kallus retrieved a soft toy, wiggling it in front of Jacen to make him grin with all three of his little teeth. Hera gave the boy a warm smile around her spoon. Kallus kept the toy dancing, and watched the worried lines smooth away from her forehead. Even bone-tired and overworked, after a long, sweaty day showing new recruits how to fly without getting themselves killed then arguing with Rebel Command over military decisions, she was lovely. He found himself drawn to study the pleasing curves of her face too often, and now was no exception.

She noticed his gaze, and for a moment, he read something in her eyes that sent a warm shiver down his spine. Then she returned her attention to her meal as she said, "I don't know if I've said this to you out loud," his pulse jumped, "but you're very good with him. I appreciate how well you take care of him."

Kallus shifted his hold on Jacen. Of course. "It's nothing."

"It's not. It's the most important job in the galaxy to me."

He'd known that for some time. Hera had always striven to balance her drive to free the galaxy with her love for and her need to protect her family. Watching Jacen for her gave her the freedom to fight that much harder against the forces he used to work for. "It's the least I can do, considering what I did before."

Hera stirred the food in her bowl, tipping in another few drops of sauce. "Such as?"

He looked at her with a heavy sorrow under the pleasant expression he wore for Jacen's sake. "You know the things I did. To you and your team, to Zeb's people. A little babysitting won't begin to make up for the sins on my soul."

She didn't meet his eyes, staring into the bowl instead. "Do you know how many people I've killed? I killed my first stormtrooper when I was twelve. I've lost count of the deaths I've caused since then."

"That's different."

"It's not, and I don't let myself believe it. Even if I trust my cause is good, it doesn't stop what I've done." She finished her meal, and rinsed the bowl and spoon. Then she took Jacen from him. The boy settled into her arms with a sleepy sigh. She shifted her grip, freeing her right hand, which she placed on his shoulder. Kallus could feel her warmth through his shirt. "None of us are defined by the sum of our worst days. The rest of us forgave you a long time ago. You should consider forgiving yourself, too."

She left him there, taking Jacen to his cabin to tuck him in for the night. The pressure and heat of her touch lingered, and he sat rock-still until the scent of her faded in the recirculating air.

* * *

Site Besh was a planet he'd never heard of, covered in a steamy, tangled jungle, and the mists were almost as thick as at their last base. Kallus was offered an off-world mission, which he declined. This raised a few eyebrows in Intelligence, and a few more when he said, "Jacen will be talking any day now."

General Cracken took him aside after the discussion. "I understand General Syndulla has been using her team as babysitters, but this is important."

Kallus wasn't much for cards, but he knew when to play his best one. "Sir, with all due respect, I have in my care the only known Jedi child in the galaxy, and he's about to be old enough to start casting spells by accident." Kallus wasn't exactly clear on those details. Kanan and Ezra hadn't needed to mumble invocations to make their Jedi magic work, but he was willing to believe Cracken didn't know that.

"Of course," Cracken said after a moment. "It's an important job. But perhaps the General could take on more of that role. She is his mother."

"She is also doing the work of nine people. If you have suggestions for which tasks she can stop doing, I'm sure she would be fascinated to hear your ideas."

It wasn't insubordination, and he wouldn't be reprimanded, but Kallus had a feeling he shouldn't spend too much time socializing with the rest of the Intelligence group over the next few weeks. That was fine. He had his transmissions and files to sort through, and Zeb had roped him into helping Chopper upgrade the weapons consoles on the _Ghost_. He had plenty to keep him busy, aside from competing to guess what Jacen's first word would be.

"Blaster," he said to Jacen slowly, enunciating. Jacen babbled back at him. Chopper whistled something rude, which made Jacen giggle.

"He's knows what we're saying," Zeb said. He bent down, grinned, and said, "C'mon, kid. Say 'karabast.'" He was rewarded with a noise that sounded nothing like "karabast" but could possibly be mistaken for "Mama."

"Say 'blaster,'" Kallus tried again.

"You're no fun," said Zeb. "Rex was trying to get him to say 'kriff' yesterday."

"I'm not teaching him swearwords for his first word." He glared at Chopper. "And don't think Hera won't know who taught him to curse in Binary." Chopper waved one of his appendages dismissively and rolled away.

"You're right," Zeb said, and made a pretty good attempt at a filthy word in Twi'lek. Jacen laughed again before stuffing one of his toys into his mouth.

"He'll sort it out eventually," Kallus said with a sigh.

* * *

Night was lengthening later than usual. Their fighters had gone into battle against an Imperial installation five sectors away, the _Ghost_ leading the way. The ship had only sustained minor damage, which Chopper grouched about as he slouched his way through and around the ship to make repairs. They'd lost two X-Wings and taken out the entire Imperial command center in that sector, the lowest price they'd paid for a victory in months. Kallus hadn't known either pilot, but he knew Hera had, and would be composing the condolence letters to their families tomorrow. Tonight was full of energy, the electric sensation passing through the whole base that their cause wasn't hopeless.

Rex had taken quarters on the base. "I sleep better with fifty people in the room with me. Too quiet otherwise," he explained over a game of cards.

"Same here," said Zeb. "Back home we all piled into great rooms to sleep, everyone together. Miss that sometimes." He bumped Kallus with his elbow, jostling him. "Good thing you moved in after Ezra left. I couldn't sleep without him up there tossing and turning."

"I'm here to serve," Kallus said, which drew a laugh from all of them.

"Yeah, well, thanks. And you're gonna have to find a new place to sleep when the kid gets back. That's his bunk."

Kallus looked over at Rex. "Apparently I'll be joining your slumber party as soon as Ezra gets home."

"We've got plenty of room. I'll let you know who snores the loudest."

Hera said, "Rex, we were all there the night you left your cabin door open. We already know who snores the loudest around here." With a grin she picked Jacen up from where he was playing on the floor. "Speaking of snoring, it's bedtime, kiddo. Say good-night." Jacen made a noise that sounded nothing like "good-night" as Hera took him into his room and settled him into his bunk.

Rex said his own good-night shortly after, begging off to get some shut-eye before the debriefing in the morning. Zeb yawned. "I should turn in, too." He stood. "You coming?"

"Not yet," said Kallus. "Too awake."

"Suit yourself." Zeb waved at Hera as she came back, and let himself into their cabin alone. Hera watched him fondly as the door closed.

Kallus took a sip of his caf. "What's that smile for?"

"Nothing, really. I was remembering my own foolishness. You're going to laugh, but when you first started sleeping in Zeb's cabin, I made what turned out to be an incorrect assumption about why."

"Ah," he said, eyes dropping into his mug. "If it makes you feel any better, I made a similar assumption when he asked. Typically, when someone asks you to share their bunk, they don't mean because they miss their roommate and have trouble nodding off without someone else around."

"When that someone is a human, or a Twi'lek, no, they don't mean that. I learn something new about Lasats almost every day."

"As do I." The old regrets moved through him, and with some effort, he pushed them away.

"It's strange living among other species. When I was aboard the _Geist_ , it was the first time since I was sixteen that I'd been surrounded entirely by people who looked like me, and who talked the same way I grew up speaking. It was like being back home." He noticed the twitch of her lekku, and remembered hearing once that the movements were part of the Twi'lek language. He wondered how often she'd muttered to herself in front of them all with no one the wiser.

"Do you miss Ryloth?"

"At times. I don't think about it often. I thought about it a lot when I was aboard a ship with dozens of other Twi'leks. And then the assignment was over, and I was back here, and I realized I could breathe again back aboard my ship with my friends and family here. I don't belong there. I like living with humans and Lasats and everyone. My son is part human. I want him to learn about what it means to be a Twi'lek, but there are pieces of our culture that will never belong to him because of who he is." She closed her eyes. "Sorry. I'm rambling."

"You're not. I've always been around other humans. Living here is the first time I've ever had reason to live among other species. As you said, I didn't know I couldn't breathe until I joined the Rebellion and realized I'd spent my life gasping and never known it." He drained the last of his drink. "Even if I don't always understand the nuances of the other species I'm talking to."

"I've found that open lines of communication are key," she said with a wry expression.

"Agreed," he replied with an equal amusement.

"Interspecies discussions can be fraught with misunderstandings."

"As we discussed."

"And clarity of intent is vital."

"Is this the lecture you give your flight trainees on the first day?"

She smirked. "I admit there are similarities."

"Ah yes. When do you give them the lecture that their flight instructor may be a stunningly beautiful woman, but she is also a General and your commanding officer and you will show her some respect or she will personally airlock you?"

"That's day two." Her head turned. "'Stunningly beautiful?'"

His jaw tightened. "Fine. I can walk myself to the airlock, thank you." He went to stand, but her hand pressed over his on the holo table, stopping him. Her skin was warmer than his. Her body temperature hovered a few degrees above a human's, and burned into him now. He should pull away. He should make another joke and break the moment before it lengthened too long and ruined the fragile peace they'd created. He should not stand here looking at her, drawn into the intensity of her gaze and unable to move.

Chopper rolled into the lounge, beeping loudly. Hera pulled her hand away and scowled at her droid. "No, you don't need a tune-up right now. Your circuits are fine." She was met with an extended blurt. "Not changing my mind. Your tune-up will be next week, like I told you before."

Kallus breathed in. Still easier here than on a Star Destroyer. He nodded at Hera, not trusting his own voice, and went down the corridor towards his cabin.

"Alexsandr." He stopped, dead still, in front of his cabin. Chopper had wandered away. Hera stood close by.

"I should turn in," he said, not looking at her.

"I'm not a Lasat."

That wasn't a sentence he expected to hear her say. "I had noticed that."

"When I say I'd like you to share my bunk, I don't mean that I'm lonely."

He did look at her then, words stuck inside his mouth. The moment stretched longer, and this time she broke it.

"Sorry. I didn't intend to make you uncomfortable. Forget I said anything."

"Hera."

"Good night."

"I'm not uncomfortable. I'm...." He stopped. She waited beside the door to her cabin, her body tensed as though she intended to flee. "I have done so many things wrong in my life."

She frowned. "We talked about this."

"What I mean to say is, I have a great deal of incentive to want to do things right." He watched her expression change from wariness into something more inviting. "With you, with this, but not only with you." He tilted his head towards the closed door where Jacen slept. "I need to do right by him." Of course he'd developed a deep affection for the child. That much was obvious to anyone. But he knew, beyond any means of expressing how or why, that his private salvation was wrapped up in Jacen's well-being and happiness, that he'd sewn the frayed edges of his soul into a safety blanket.

"You do better with him than I have any right to ask you," she said, and stepped closer. "You've been a fantastic caretaker. But my life isn't just Jacen, and it isn't just the Rebellion." She reached for his hand, and he fought his tremble at the strong touch of her fingers, the warm thread of her pulse.

"I know that."

"I want to do right by you, too. I don't want to jeopardize our friendship, and if you think changing things between us will hurt what we have now, I can accept that."

Rather than replying, he pulled her face to his and kissed her softly. To his surprise and delight, she kissed him back rather less softly. Everything Hera did was with her full attention, and he'd fallen asleep any number of nights wondering with idle desire if that focus extended to all aspects of her life. His desire wasn't idle now, and it was clear that neither was hers, and focus was something he had no hope of retaining with her teeth against his lips.

He pulled away, clinging to one last thread of sanity. "If this goes wrong...."

"Then we'll talk to each other until we get it right." She opened the door to her cabin. He followed her inside, and closed it behind him.

* * *

He learned a number of things about Hera in those first few heady weeks. Her body temperature was noticeably warmer, as he'd known, but he had not imagined her hot skin against his, nor the furnace grip of her hand on him, or her slick, tight heat as she took him into her. He'd known she carried her convictions like a sword, firm in her decisions, ready to give gentle guidance or a firm order as needed, and these were no different now as she told him what she wanted and instructed him how to touch her. He was a far more ready student than her flight trainees, amazing himself with each new discovery and drawing as much pleasure from her ecstatic cries as from his own heady sensations.

The dirty jokes he'd heard over the years said Twi'lek women were insatiable. That was untrue. They were merely verbal and clear about their wishes. Hera wasn't shy about telling him her desires, whether it was a soft thumb against one tightening nipple or where he should turn his attention next as his hands spread apart the pale green skin of her thighs and his lips moved against the soft, needy flesh he tasted between them.

He wasn't surprised to learn she had no interest in bearing another child. The joy she took from her son's presence would always be wrapped up with her grief over his father and with how close she'd come to dying herself when he'd been born. Her own contraceptive course started before she'd even approached him. He visited Medical the day after that first night and began his own series as a backup.

Hera wasn't given to expressing emotions. He'd had lovers before, some of whom had used him for their own needs, and he'd done the same, but others had been ready to declare their love even before breakfast. Hera was not interested in using him or in binding him. She enjoyed this new facet of their relationship, and he knew she cared for him, but she wasn't making wedding plans. She'd rather spend their recovery time curled in her bunk talking over what their next plan against the Empire would be, or as much as she could tell him at his clearance level.

She had lied to him about one thing. She was lonely. But as she embraced him, pushing his shoulders against her thin bunk before bending down for a deep kiss, he accepted that had not been her only reason.

* * *

Their other friends knew better than to tease Hera, and the halo effect was that they teased Kallus less than he'd expected. He braced himself for jokes, and for lectures about how many different bones in his body would be broken if he kriffed up. Instead, he earned nothing more than the occasional knowing, friendly smile.

After days of this, and the amazing nights that preceded them, he gave in. Hera was in Command, and he was alone with Zeb watching Jacen. "Whatever you intend to say, say it."

"Huh?" Zeb gave him a blank look.

"You can threaten me all you want."

Zeb stared, then shook his head with a sigh and went back to trying to get Jacen's shirt over his head. This wasn't as easy as described. The boy seemed to grow three extra arms plus another head every time it came to dressing him. "Can you get his arm through there?"

Kallus took one small hand in his and fed the wriggling limb through the sleeve. "You're going to tell me not to break her heart, or else you'll break my legs."

"No, I'm not. Not my problem. Anyway, I've known Hera for years. She hasn't made an impulsive decision since I met her. If she's decided your pale hide is worth pursuing, she'll've made three color-coded charts and two five-stage plans with fallbacks and counterplans before she ever said a word to you."

Kallus helped Jacen shrug on the rest of his clothes, considering this. "She did, didn't she?"

* * *

"I can't have you in here every night," she said, pressed up against him, her body still trembling with the lingering quakes of her last climax. "I sleep light, and humans move around a lot." She placed a kiss against the nearest bit of skin she could reach on his jaw to soften the words.

"Sorry. I didn't know I was keeping you awake."

"Let's say it's been worth waking up," she said with a smile. "But I do need more rest if I'm going to lead that mission on Xoris."

"Zeb's going to ask me why I'm back."

"He's not. He's going to be glad you're there. I don't think he's sleeping well alone."

Kallus inclined his head. Arguing would do no good. He shifted, bringing her closer. "I can go now, if you'd like."

She kissed him. "Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," he agreed.

* * *

Jacen's first word was "Chopper," spoken when he was a year and a half. There were plenty of babbles prior that could have been "Mama," but nothing had been as clear as when he'd shouted at the droid from the top of the loading ramp. Chopper himself rolled around preening for a week, annoying everyone.

His words came in fits and starts after that. "Mama" became clear. "Zeb" was easy to understand. Kallus had no hope of the child working out the syllables of his own name. As they played together, he tried to teach Jacen to call him "Sasha," an old nickname from childhood. Jacen didn't manage that, either, his infant tongue stuck on the sibilants. He managed Sabine's name first, delighting her during a holographic visit.

Well. He hadn't needed words to understand Jacen before this, and he always knew when Jacen wanted him rather than anyone else.

"You can call me whatever you like," he said, lifting the boy into his arms for a hug.

"Ba!"

* * *

Romance had never been on his horizon. Before, he'd considered himself lucky to find someone willing to bed down with him for a night or two, with little interest past getting off and making a reasonable attempt to help his partner for the night do the same. More, Hera wasn't the type to expect rare blooms or expensive meals. This was good considering their current frigid base sported no plant life to speak of, and they were all eating bland rations now that the last of that tasty sauce was gone.

Despite this, and despite his lack of experience in the more subtle of the romantic arts, he felt there should be more to their relationship than fighting the Empire, caring for the toddler, and riding each other to exhaustion at night.

Hera came aboard after another long day, shivering in her jacket. She called out in a confused voice: "Where is everyone?"

Kallus met her in the lounge. "Chopper is powered down in the cockpit. Zeb has taken Jacen for a sleepover."

"He did what?"

"There's another room they've just excavated out. No one has moved any equipment in yet."

Hera's face darkened. "Tell him to get them both back here now. They'll freeze."

"They won't. Zeb took a heater and most of the blankets from the ship. Jacen thinks he's going camping."

She viewed him suspiciously. "He's two. He doesn't know what camping is."

"Which is why he thinks it's fun. Zeb took two comlinks just in case something went wrong with the first one. They'll be fine." He handed her a mug.

She took the mug, still worried. "I don't know that I trust the excavators. Ice caves aren't structurally sound."

"This one is. Rex worked with the engineering team who cleared it for use, and he thinks it's fine." He gave her a reassuring smile. "I promise they will be fine for tonight."

Hera looked around the lounge, taking in the changes he'd made. They rarely kept the lights at full power aboard the ship, and Kallus had dimmed them further, supplementing the glow with small flamers set inside every spare bowl and cup and placed around the room. He'd used his rationed Holonet time scouring for music, and had settled on a few quiet pieces he liked, heavy on wind and stringed instruments. His favorite played in the background, the notes tinny but sweet from the player he'd borrowed from Zeb.

"You can try the drink or not. Some of the pilots have been brewing," he made a face, "'fresher hooch' again."

"That's against regulations."

"Unfortunately, my purchase of a small quantity caused simultaneous amnesia as to the location of the distillery or the identities of anyone involved."

"It's Solo, isn't it?"

Kallus kept a perfect sabacc face. "I couldn't say."

"You can say. It's Solo." She took a sip. "This is good."

"I was as surprised as you."

"You can tell me Captain Solo sold it to you."

"Amnesia," he said. "My mind is a blank."

While she tasted more of the drink in her mug, he went to the galley for the tray he'd prepared. He'd traded a third of the alcohol for two sauce containers no bigger than his thumb. He'd crumbled and mixed a couple of rations bars with the flavorings, then fried them to a sizzling golden brown. The tiny meal cakes weren't much, but they were a change and a bite of warmth here on this freezing planet.

"What is all this?" she asked as he set down the food between them. She gestured at the lights and the music player.

Kallus shrugged. "A nice night together, I hope."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to." He took a meal cake and bit in. The crispy exterior yielded to a soft, spicy center. He watched Hera try one, and forced himself not to smirk as her face made a familiar expression that typically took him a good twenty minutes to achieve.

Later, he'd coax her into dancing with him. Later still, they'd make love back in her cold bunk, warming it together. Tomorrow, they'd be back to living their crowded, over-scheduled lives and focusing on survival. For now, he enjoyed the happiness on her face as she ate and talked about her day.

* * *

They all happened to be in the same room when it occurred. After, Kallus wondered how many times they'd each missed, or misunderstood. The meal had been cleared away. Zeb had challenged him to a dejarik game. Hera chatted with Rex about their newest recruits. Jacen played on the floor with his toys spread in front of him as he moved them around, telling himself a story about their adventures. The occasional toy floated into his small hand while he played. Kallus kept half an eye on him in case one went flying and needed to be retrieved from the top of the cabinets again.

Jacen looked up from his play, grinned, and said, "Hi, Daddy!"

A flood of warmth hit his stomach, sending out pleased tingles to the tips of his fingers and a flush to his cheeks. He looked at the boy with a tender smile. His throat full, he said, "Hello."

He turned to look at Hera, to check she wasn't upset. Her face was unreadable, staring at her son. Kallus jerked as Zeb said, "Sorry, mate," he said with a strange tone of his own, "but he's not talking to you."

Finally, Kallus followed Jacen's gaze to an empty place in the lounge. Rex said, "You know, back in the day, the stories said this happened sometimes. I didn't want to say, but I wondered."

Hera said nothing, her eyes full of fear and hope and emotions Kallus wasn't sure he wanted to know.

* * *

Hours had passed. Commander Skywalker had been invited aboard, which had helped. Kallus hadn't thought much of the youth. He said he wanted to be a Jedi, and Rex had told them his father had been a great one, but aside from his lucky shot back at Yavin 4, he hadn't done much to impress Kallus. He'd come to know real Jedi, even if they'd both been a pain in his neck for most of that time.

Now one was back, had likely been back for some time. Back long enough for his son to know who he was, before Jacen's words had come together enough to let the rest of them in on the secret.

Kallus sat in the cockpit alone, half an ear towards the sounds from aft. 

Back, and watching over them.

He sighed. "To say you and I weren't always friendly has to be the understatement of the hour. You know how we met, and you know how many times I tried to kill you and your team. Hera says she's forgiven me. She says I should try to do the same. From what she's told me about your past, I have the feeling you understand better than most why that's not easy."

His view ought to be the stars. They should be in flight, not parked facing an ice wall darkened with soot from engine exhaust. He stared at it anyway. "You should know, I could never mean either of them harm. Not now. Not ever again." A sad smile twitched at his lips. "I suppose you've gotten to know Jacen a bit. He's the light of her life, and mine as well. Every day is a new adventure to him. Every new person he meets is his friend. He doesn't know I led stormtroopers into battle against you. He will, one of these days. I'll tell him myself. Right now, he smiles each time I walk into his room to wake him up and get him dressed. I'd do anything for him. I'll do everything I can for the rest of my life to keep him safe. You should know that.

"I wasn't expecting you back. None of us were. Jacen doesn't know any better. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad he can get to know you and have you in his life. I'm glad he's not frightened. He doesn't know how strange it is that his father's ghost can come play with him. He'll only know that you are his friend, and that you love him, too." Kallus thought about his own parents, something he tried not to do often. "I'm glad he'll have you," he said, his voice tight again.

"It's going to be hard on Hera. She mourned you, and she kept moving on with her life. Having you back is going to reopen those wounds. She'll survive it. She always does. It's one of the things I love about her. I didn't expect to feel this way. She's beautiful. It was easy for me to believe that was all: a bit of attraction and a warm friend on a cold night. But you know her better than that. You know she's brave, and brilliant, and full of kindness. I don't deserve her presence in my life, much less her affection.

"She's guarded. She won't talk about her feelings. I'd blame you, but I've met her father and I suspect she's been this way far longer than either of us has known her. She won't say she loves me, and I can live with that, and with not telling her words she's not ready to hear. There's a war on, as you've noticed. I have faith she'll make it through, and there will be time to work past those issues if I survive. If I don't, well," he said, shifting in his seat, "there are far worse fates than spending the rest of my life next to the woman I love."

He heard a noise behind him. Fascinating. He had never suspected he had any Force talents of his own, but perhaps spending so much time around Jacen had meant developing a small piece of sensitivity. He turned, expecting to see a shadowy outline against the open hatch.

Hera stood there, her arms folded. By the way she stood, he suspected she'd been there for some time.

"Kanan isn't listening."

He shook his head sadly. "I understand. Too much passed between us before, and I can only imagine what he thinks of me now."

"Not what I meant. He's busy playing with Jacen." She tilted her head aft. Kallus let his ears filter in what his brain had already heard and dismissed: Jacen was happy and not in distress, and was clearly playing with someone else.

"Ah."

"You don't need to tell him anything."

"Forgive me if I'd like to prevent angering the ghost who apparently lives with us."

Her lips twitched. "That's just the way, isn't it? Right when things get settled, your ex comes back on the scene and turns your life upside down." She approached slowly to sit next to him in her own chair. "I knew Kanan better than anyone. He's not going to be angry, not at either of us. He's going to be pleased you're here, raising the child he can't." She took his hand. "And he's going to be pleased that I'm happy. Kanan was my best friend, and I loved him more than I ever could say, and I know he loved me just as much. He's not going to be angry that I love you now. That's not who he was."

Kallus met her eyes. She might work cons in the pursuit of her goal, and she might go undercover at need, but Hera wasn't a liar by nature. Her gaze was direct, and open, and warm, and she'd told him she loved him. She kissed him, and as she did, part of him wondered if they were being spied on now despite her assurances, if supernatural voyeurism was something he would simply have to accept as part of his life from now on.

Well. It wouldn't be the strangest thing that had happened to him.

He kissed her back, listening with half an ear to their son's happy laughter echoing through the ship and warming this cold base into something bright and new.


End file.
